i really dont mind cleaning, i used to clean the house for him all the . You need to stop fearing an argument, You need to communicate the issues that are going on and ask him why he thinks using depression to not do things you don't want to do. You have to commit, for better or worse. If theres one thing that does not exist in a long-term marriage its that feeling of newness. he doesnt want things to improve. I also remember a few years ago my husband saying he would honor his boring commitment. Guess The Turd does more interesting things like eat sushi, try to look phat and fresh, and try to be a hipster. I know now that the only sure thing in this world I can depend on is myself. FCOL, it makes TOTAL sense. b. I let the selfish decisions of two very self absorbed people turn me into someone I am NOT. Here is how our date nights go: I say I think we should have some time alone, he says sure, I wait, he does nothing, I eventually text the sitter and make reservations, and we go. This is especially true if he notices other women and gives you compliments less often. First, that you need to be true to yourself and work towards the things that bring you the most joy in . Ughhhh. "Be willing to hear his feedback and experiences in the marriage," says Henry. Eg, unfortunately with my h cousin it, she thought it was and when it looked like she could use it she threw herself at him like a bitch on heat. Don't think your heavy sighs and the comments made under your breath are going unnoticed. Some people think that threats have to be physical in nature to be problematic. He should be talking with the baby if not reading to baby at least once a week is not asking much. my husband doesn t want to spend time with me, theres a chance he might not be intentionally ignoring you. Was so close to call out to my h and ask, but then my little girl started to take off. Well, my court date for Friday was cancelled because the ex couldnt make it. It ticks me off because I loved and supported him and he knew it. Plan weekend getaways or vacations well in advance so he has something to look forward to and can plan accordingly at work. Im glad its over for you. I used to have a higher regard for my wedding vows but these scars will unfortunately stay with me and so be it. My husband I really never really used to go anywhere much due to work so we never really thought a time share would benefit us. Others blame their spouse ONLY. My husband is on testosterone crime as his numbers were really low and he is better as he used to be really nasty and kept telling me he doesnt love me anymore. Suppose your husband has started working longer hours, studying for a big test, or training for a marathon. This can lead to him wanting to distance himself from you, which isnt good for your relationship. If your husband is spending more time with friends, at work, or on his hobbies, it might be because hes found someone new to spend his time with. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, am I the asshole? This includes the time during and for months after, the affair. I do everything outside the home with friends, nothing with him. What to do if my husband doesn t want to spend time with me? When your partner has your back, they'll be able to say those three important words sincerely and out loud in front of other people. That obviously will take a while. My h was telling me on the weekend how his mistress told him, if I didnt want my children, how she would be so happy to raise them with him. If your husband is cheating on you, its crucial to confront him and figure out what to do next. Over time, the lack of connection can take a toll on your relationship. If friends tend to be the parents of our kids teammates, school friends, etc. HA. Encourage and compliment your spouse. Not a legacy to be proud of. Now he puts extra hours at work and prefers to spend time with his friends. No matter what the level of infidelity ( from daydreaming about an ex to full blown adultery) the one constant factor in cheaters is that they chose to dishonor their commitment while people who did not cheat honored it. Five Lifestyle Rituals to Inspire Monogamy. We never get invited out anywhere together as a couple. For ME, the absolute foundation of monogamy is my commitment to that very principle. I'll want to go somewhere or do something and he tells me he doesn't want to go or do whatever it may be. Make your moments together count. In that case, likely, hes just trying to better himself. Possibility # 2: Your husband won't talk because he doesn't like conflict (the avoiding pain motive) Your husband may be upset at you for something, but not want to say anything about it for fear that it will cause conflict. I guess if Ive found any silver lining in my situation it has been establishing a value of self worth that cannot be skewed by anyone and as was said before no more blind faith. This is a big red flag, and my advice is to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline and discuss this with someone there because. It drives me totally nuts. I ask because I feel exactly the same way as you. He has outgrown you or never cared in the first place or he is just self absorbed and a loner. We've been married for almost 30 years and have 2 children, aged 16 and 18. Problem is, is that when I do, he texts or calls me frequently asking when Ill be home. His demeanour physically / the way he moves is gentle and measured. They can't find the words to properly articulate their feelings, an issue, or a problem. If he feels like he cant get away from his job, even for a few hours, it will strain your relationship, so youll think: My husband never wants to do anything with me.. She was not invested like I was. This is separate from and at times in spite of, others around me. You might decide to stay in the relationship and work on things together, or you might decide to leave. My husband is a type 2 diabetic (which is totally uncontrolled) and has hypertension, elevated cholesterol, as well as several other health issues. Suggest ways to wind down together after a long day instead of just vegging out in front of the TV. I even wrote a comment to that effect not long ago. It is possible your husband could be having a physical, sexual affair with another woman or possibly an emotional. So as a reward for trying to keep my marriage together I get to work harder than ever on our relationship while my character and personality is constantly on trial. I told him what I can look on his desk. I wonder at times how my h felt when he looked at himself in the mirror while his eyes mind was battling with his heart and soul. He sounds more like an FWB if. Its his wifes fault for not meeting her husbands needs. I loved that. Ugh. They were also agitated, aggravated and fed up. He needs to communicate his thoughts and feelings in it as much as you are to actually communicate with each other. We'd like to take this time to remind users that: We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? I too told him, I know Im nit perfect , nor will I ever be perfect, but you wont find anyone that loves you more than me. Pre-affair I was as guilty as anyone. even if it was my high school boyfriend that I felt was my true love at the time? 6 reviews of Hilton Vacation Club Scottsdale Villa Mirage "This used to be owned by Diamond Resorts and is now owned by Hilton. In this case, try giving him some space and see if that encourages him to come to you more. Our friends and their issue were on-again, off-again topics of discussion between Linda and I for a few days after our night out. Its so true, if my h wants to choose slutty over me, then go right ahead, I deserve better in my life and my expectations are much higher, I deserve so much better, as we all do. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! First, to the antisocial spouse (or person whose wife is saying "My husband has no friends or hobbies,") you might not think this is a big problem. I kind of envy the people who say.we were on the verge of divorce before the affair and I can kind of see why it happened. This can be difficult to navigate, but dont worry were here to help! Now he is going away on a friend's five-day stag trip. I couldnt say it better EG. She was not invested like I was. He doesn't spend time with you anymore At one time, you and your husband were inseparable, and he always put you first. He never wants to go anywhere, do anything or even really spend time together. I even take our children to the seaside on my own. What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). I too am a fun person, and we dont do shi* b/c other half is content doing nothing. Strong words eg thanks. Two key things: our passion and our principles. Yes! Admitting that, its natural if you have those sentiments and are furious at him. Some are more compelling than others but every body has one. Rachel, hes not winning or in control. When you think about it, it makes sense. If you want to create and sustain a lifetime of monogamy, then you must also know how to renew passion, inspire desire and sustain a lifetime of commitment.. Compliment him on things he does well, and express gratitude for you. NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES. He was slightly above a dead-beat. My other half knows this, but still, does not take any of the responsibility on. Do you ever feel that your husband is getting further and further away from you? Great comment, I am just sorry that your wife didnt wake up and realize how lucky she was to have someone who was so committed to their marriage and family. Running around all dressed up, making and baking. I will NEVER go through this again. if we do go to a wedding as it is an obligation he will sit and not speak to anyone and always wont to leave early. Im sure my husbands girl friend was skinny and she really does think she is superior based on that. This will allow him to miss you, making spending time with you that much more special. Sponsored by BeenVerified To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. I am 62 and he is 70, maybe its his age. 8. Yes, this is selfish behavior but we ALL have our emotional limits. Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. 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